Top Of My World
by HolbyFan
Summary: Leddi: My version of chasing demons because lets face it...who wanted that ending! :P I miss them :(
1. Chapter 1

**So, this is my take on _Chasing Demons._ Am going to include snippets of text from the actual episode as guidance for my version. I miss Leddi. Apology for the short start. Just getting the ball rolling... Enjoy :) Please Review!**

Content in each others company, The journey back was a quiet one. Luc's focus fell on the route home whilst Eddi sat simply smiling to herself having realised exactly where she was.

She'd most likely driven past that beautiful haven many a time. It wasn't far from home.

A small laugh escaped her as she remembered how angry she had been when he so lovingly kidnapped her. Her happiness soon fading as the reality of why he did it clawed its way back into her thoughts.

She lent against the window as she snuggled into her oversized hoody. A hoody that she had now officially claimed as her own despite Lucs best efforts of maintaining ownership.

She glanced up as the hospital buildings towered over the campervan upon its arrival. The van she'd once named as the top of her world had, ironically, never felt so small as it settled into its familiar spot.

A deep breath from her direction signalled Luc to put a comforting hand on hers. She squeezed it in return but remained focused on the outside world.

Little did he know, his campervan had now become her safe haven, a place where he made things better. A place where the outside world couldn't harm her. Her safe place.

The Hospital, his safe place, was now a place that fed her addiction. She couldn't work out how one place could mean such different things to two very similar people. She silently questioned if it was even possible. If they were even possible. Only time would tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go. Chapter two :) Not the longest of parts but thats just the way I write, sorry :P I also tend to write really slow burner fics, so sorry once more :P Let me know if I need to speed things along a little if you get bored! I did mention earlier this is my version of chasing demons and you can tell in this chapter! Please review, its spurs me on! :P :) enjoy!**

**Part 2**

_"I'm going to need my phone back then"_ It was crazy how such a simple request flooded her with guilt.

She didn't need her phone at all. She'd managed 6 days without it and its services were most likely not required in the next 10 hours that was her shift.

The addiction itself had stemmed from thinking she needed something. A little something to help her through the day. But it wasn't about that any more.

She'd done the hard part. It was now about trust. Will power. So much so she herself questioned the need for her phone as it arrived in her palm along with one of his famous sarcastic comments.

_"Yeah, I s'pose you will need it. Call your dealer"_

Deep down he knew it wasn't a good sign. It was an indicator that she, once again, couldn't cope alone. Yet why she found comfort in inanimate objects such as pills and mobiles was, for the first time, something that baffled him.

Medically he understood a drug addiction. Emotionally he hadn't a clue. He knew it began with him. He blamed himself. He was fixing it though. Both of them had a mutual understanding of that.

_"See ya"_ His voice calm as he left, the open door engulfing her haven with reality. Nerves hit her already. Her mind challenging her strength, she crumbled mentally as she searched for and unsurprisingly swallowed an extra pill.

A sigh of instant regret left her. What would Luc think of her now. He had worked so hard. They had worked so hard. A team. Partners?

The word partner echoed in her head. Were they partners? He'd hadn't left her with any indications of their relationship as he departed the van only moments ago. She still wasn't exactly sure of what they meant to each other.

It crossed her mind he was just trying to fix things because he felt guilt rather than actually wanting to be with her. Perfectly valid assumption.

It was all too much to handle. Too much to think about right now. Drug addiction, work, relationship. She shook her head in the confusion as she pocketed the remainder of the blister pack knowing she would no doubt need it.

It was barely 9am. Work hadn't even begun. She had already stomached double her daily dose. Reality taking its toll.


	3. Chapter 3

**Here we go :) This is where things change to go my direction! enjoy! please review, good or bad! :)**

**Part 3**

_"Whilst you two were off bumping uglies in the love bus... I've been busting my balls trying to clear AAU of drug theft! "_ The latter of Michaels sentence vastly overshadowed by the start.

Eddi glanced in Lucs direction fearing she'd be greeted by a gentle breeze from Lucs speedy exit as Michael practically announced their relationship to the whole ward. Patients included.

Instead, she was surprised to find him contently by her side, a gentle smile, invisible to the untrained eye, forming at the corners of his mouth at Michaels witty definition of sex.

She relaxed as her own gentle grin formed. Her happiness short lived as her earlier self medicating betrayal thrived in her veins. Its presence causing an irritating itch that hadn't gone unnoticed by Luc.

They set about their usual ways as her first patient on the day entered. His distress, as he regained consciousness, unresponsive to Eddis professional requests resulting in a blow to the face. All witnessed by a over protective Luc.

_"You don't have to act like you're invincible"_ His suspicions of why she felt no pain sneaking into his thoughts. Something wasn't right.

As the day continued so did Lucs worry. The days particular patient hitting home and already causing a rift, not only professionally, but easily threatening everything they'd built over the past 6 days.

_"I don't need you charging in every 5 minutes on your white steed. Here, I am a nurse and you are a Doctor. Please, lets get on with it!_"

He was put in his place as a slither of the old, feisty Eddi shone though. However, a little disheartened he was the target.

The word of Michaels hunt for Eddi eventually found her. Panic set in as she adjusted to her surroundings. Luc not in sight she sneaked away to find the only other thing that could calm her.

He body barely functioning as she scuffed her way back to the ward controlled by four times her daily dosage.

Back on AAU she was met by Michael who was quick to inform her they were in the clear over the drugs scandal. She couldn't hate herself more. She knew she didn't need any pills.

_"Its really hot in here"_ was all Michael got in reply. _"Its really hot in here"_ she repeated to a confused Dr Spence, her words drowsy.

She watched as Luc walked onto the ward, his broad figure soon blurred, she could make out his speed increasing towards her as her feet gave way before collapsing in Michaels arms as she began to fit in the middle of AAU.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your reviews so far, keep them coming they really help :) Not sure about this part...but here you go! **

**Part 4**

Luc was quick to react. Ignoring Micheals control of the situation he bundled her into his arms. He shouted for an IV drip and 10 milligrams of diazepam as he proceeded to carry her into the side room away from gossiping eyes.

Michael was quick to follow. His main concern Eddi but not far behind this thought was his curiosity at how relaxed Luc was. His speedy response almost like he expected it to happen.

Michael watched as Luc calmly injected the diazepam causing the fit to subside and then continued to connect the IV into her frail hand.

_"Best run a CT and lets get some bloods from her"_ Michael insisted as he broke the silence.

_"No, she's fine"_ Luc interrupted, his face telling a thousand stories. _"I've got this Michael, she just needs rest"_

_"Look, Hemingway, I know tha.."_

"She doesn't need a CT. Where do you think we've been for the past 6 days?" Luc questioned as he signalled for them both to leave the room.

_"Huh, Well.."_ A cheeky grin forming.

_"And no, not bumping uglies in my love bus as you so delightfully put it"_ Luc concluded before Michaels thoughts went any further.

_"Just let me deal with this ok?"_

_"Luc. I've literally, about 5 minutes ago in fact, been cleared of a drugs scandal on this ward and now you want me to ignore standard protocol on not just a patient, but our very own senior nurse, am I missing something here?"_

_"I know how this looks.."_

_"Really? Because from where I'm standing it looks like you and Nurse McKee are trying to hide a little more than your relationship"_

Luc sighed in frustration at the situation. The conversation was just going around in circles. Both as stubborn as each other.

_"Ok...ok. Give me a few hours, let me treat her and let her rest, then in her own time she can tell you..."_ He was clutching at straws. Anything to protect her. Buy them time to think.

_"I'm not happy about this.."_

_"I know, but you know as well as I do patient confidentiality overrules.."_

_"Alright, alright, don't bombard with that technical crap.."_

_"Who would you rather argue with me or her?" _Luc bluntly announced.

"I'll be in Holby Care if you need me" Michael gave in at the threat of an arguement with Eddi. She'd always have the last word. _"You got 2 hours, tops! Then I want some answers"_ he warned before leaving AAU.


	5. Chapter 5

**Heres the next bit :) Hope it all makes sense and I've done it justice. I wanted it to be similar to the onscreen episode yet at the same time make it my own and include bits I felt were missed out! please review!**

**Part 5**

Hours later Luc found himself in the once place that made sense. The roof. The one place he could clear his head with no distractions, or so he thought.

Looking out over Holby, breathing in the evening breeze, confused at to what to do next he was disturbed.

_"I'm sorry"_ A small voice nervously said from behind him.

He didn't react, he didn't turn around but instead closed his eyes in hope it would all go away. Not her, but everything that came with her. The drugs, the compromising situation she had put him in, the dull ache in his chest that had tormented him ever since he first kissed her and the freedom that somehow it all seemed to take away.

The 6 day one to one therapy he had given her was easy. Nothing but them, nothing to take her mind anyway. It had given them both a false sense of security, a false sense of how well she was coping. Why she didn't come straight to him for help and why she took the extra pills from his campervan in the first place were both things he couldn't understand.

Eddi was the only one to understand him, understand his weird yet wonderful ways and she didn't need explanations from him to appreciate his quirky nature, she just admired it. Admired him like he deserved.

She made her way towards him cautiously as she realised just how much she had let him down. She knew he had risked his career just to protect her and although he would never agree, she thought he was better off without her.

_"I've told Michael everything"_

He span around immediately at her words. His lips forming shapes yet no noise surfacing. He had no idea what to say. He was usually so good at predicting behaviour, always a move ahead, but this he didn't see coming. This wasn't the plan. He had lost control.

_"Its ok"_ She nodded and smiled reassuring herself as well as him. She placed her hands on his chest stepping close to him as she continued, eyes fixed on his.

_"He's not going to report me._

A small smile of relief formed on Lucs face as he placed one arm around her waist holding her tight, the other holding one of her hands firmly against his chest.

_"But..I cant stay here Luc, I need to get away, Michael said I can have as long as I need and I think that once I go it...well, it'll be better to stay away, better for both of us"_

_"Eddi, No, stay, please stay, I can help you, Eddi..."_ Her hand moved to his cheek , her thumb gently wiping away a lone tear.

_"I know you can Luc, I know, but I don't want to be that person. I've taken so much away from you, you've risked so much for me and I cant let you do that. I'm not worth it"_

Her words tear stained as she removed his arm from around her waist and wandered over to the edge taking in her favourite view.

She turned to face him _"This is where we first met...bet you wish you'd jumped knowing we were going to end up like this, never was good at the advice thing was I"_

He walked over to her, wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against hers desperate to keep contact, then proceed to play along with her light hearted humour_ "You're rubbish"_ he whispered as he gently placed multiple kisses on her lips.

_"Eddi, I lo.."_

_"Don't say it"_ he was interrupted by a finger on his mouth _"Don't make this harder than it has to be"_

_"Then stay, one day at a time, we can do it, Eddi please"_ Yet more tears flowed between them.

She sighed closing her eyes taking in his scent _"I need to do this, I need to go home sort things out with mum and Liam, and as much as I want you to, you can't fix that for me"_

He couldn't argue that. You can't fix something you haven't broke. He'd done his part and it was time to let go.

_"Some people were meant to fall in love but they're not meant to be together. Something my pops used to tell me. Probably trying to help me understand why my mum had so many different men about the place" _She chuckled at the good memories she shared with her grandad _"I never understood him really, I always thought if you cared that much about someone you'd never leave them" _She paused_ "I know what he meant now"_

_"Thank you Luc, Thank you"_ she finally said as she held him as tight as possible, her efforts were returned as he held her close never wanting to let go showering her in gentle kisses which she welcomed.

Once again she removed his arms from around her, foreheads still together he reluctantly let go of her giving her one final kiss as she walked away, his arm stretched touching keeping contact for as long as possible.

He watched her the whole time, cherishing each second of her presence. She then unexpectedly stopped at the door and turned to face him catching his eyes she whispered _"I do too"_ before making her way down the steps leaving him heartbroken.

**Let me know what you think. I chose this way because I wanted leaving to be Eddis choice & not brought on by Liam and I wanted Eddi to be the one who tells Michael the truth. :))**


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6**

He never returned to the ward that day. He wanted to. He wanted to carry on like normal. Like nothing had happened. Only she wasn't just nothing and she had happened.

The real Luc was hidden behind a self built fort. A fort so strong he even struggled to find the real him when he needed it. Then she came along. Storming into his life unlocking his defences like she had the key to the centre.

She had only been gone a few hours but already it was clear her absence was enough to lock him away again. He didn't mind. They key belonged with her, he didn't want anyone else to have it.

He sat in his lab contemplating his life, or more accurately his lack of one. Left alone with his thoughts he soon realised he had given himself the answer to his questions a few months ago.

'It depends how you define freedom' the memories of that day peering though causing him to bury his head in shame at his fleeing nature.

_"It depends how you define freedom"_ he repeated aloud to himself. For the first time in his life he acknowledged his freedom didn't lie with his van and it didn't come in the form of unsigned contracts. Instead it was her. She had freed him from his fort and allowed him to be himself despite what the past had taught him and that was the best type of freedom he had ever felt.

He'd been concentrating on everything that a relationship would take away he didn't even notice the one thing it would give him was the one thing he cherished the most.

He kicked the table beneath him in anger as a tear feel down his cheek. He couldn't believe he was working it out now. Four months too late.

His mind now focused on the woman in question. She'd probably be home by now. She'd be in Leeds by now anyway. Not home. Home was Holby and he hoped she would never forget that.

******Just a filler of a chapter. So sorry its a bit short and waffels on! Was feeling a bit deep today and wanted to write about Luc beling left behind!  
Lots of lovely Leddi soon ;) Please review good or bad! :)  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**All characters and story belong to the BBC!  
**

**Sorry for abandoning this over christmas! Been busy as im sure you all have, but still not over Leddi so obviously am continuing! Please review and please please tell me if I am waffling! I have a tendacy of writing something and then going off on a tangent, so please do be honest! **

**Part 7**

His hours or heartache soon turned into days. Days soon turned into weeks and before he knew it one whole month had passed since her swift departure. Not that it felt that quick to him. Every second tormenting him, everything on the ward reminding him of her. Every cured patient tainted by the absence of her 'inspector' skills.

He sat at the nurses station during a quiet night shift and glanced around at each patient on the ward. Disregarding his medical knowledge, he actually knew nothing about any of them. If Eddi had been around chances are he'd probably know their shoe size by now. He missed how she brought the ward to life. She found each patients voice and heard the story they had to tell.

She took it upon herself to make her job that little bit more interesting and sometimes she'd stumble across a hilarious story as to how an injury occurred. Naturally, she'd share the stories with Luc causing her to be on the receiving end of one of his rare grins, much to her delight.

Leaning back on his chair folding his arms he remember how he was sat in the very same spot when she once told him it took more muscles to frown than it did to smile. She teased at how he'd gain wrinkles far more quickly then she would. He couldn't recall his exact response but he knew it was something sarcastic about him being a _'Doctor'_ and how he had _'real'_ medical issues to deal with.

Truth is, despite his constant sarcastic responses, he valued to every word she said. He often found himself in his campervan reading or in his lab doing research when his mind drifted to something she had said earlier. Of course it had caused him to be a little behind on his work but he was glad she was the reason. If only he had told her when he had the chance.

Nothing would have changed her mind that day. The day she left. Not even love stopped her despite his rare exposure of emotion. He didn't believe in _'soul mates'_ or things that were _'meant to be_'. No. He believed in life. Either it was or it wasn't and only you, yourself can change it. Deep down he knew that's why he kissed her. He was never a man to live a _'What if...?'_ type of lifestyle and he wasn't going to start with her.

His life now reflected that of a book he once read. 'The butterfly effect' its content suggesting that something as small as a butterfly flapping its wings had the potential to alter the path of a tornado. Had the butterfly not fluttered its wings perhaps the tornado would have taken a different route and everything in its original path would have been saved.

If he hadn't kissed her that day in lab perhaps his absence wouldn't have thrown her into Max's arms. Maybe she would have been strong enough to see right through him. His thoughts ran round in circles just thinking about things that shouldn't have happened, events that could have been prevented by such small changes.

That very book had travelled most the world with him and thinking back perhaps it would have been a better book to have left behind for her. He smiled. She never would have read it anyway. Much too stubborn but he loved her for it.

He leaned forward and stared into the blank computer screen in front of him. Examining his skin using his fingers to prod at his face, he noticed he had gained an extra wrinkle. He glided a finger over the small yet noticeable indentation upon his forehead. He'd guessed its cause. Even he himself had noticed the extra glint of sadness in his eyes. He'd been frowning a lot since she left, but here his face staring back at him in the darkness of the screen, he began to unleash one of his rare smiles as he appreciated the ageing mark. She had certainly left her mark on him.

**Thanks for reading, Dont forget to review on your way out! :)**


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